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Hugs

2012-02-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday one of my kids came into the room and made a beeline for me. He usually just shouts, "Hello, Ms. OKP!" and waits for me to acknowledge him. It's actually become a class meme, and there's some healthy (but incredibly good-natured) peer mockery involved sometimes.

So today he comes up to me and gives me this painstakingly gentle hug.

"What's this for?" ask I.

"It's what we do now, " he says.

...

Weird. Not uncomfortable at this juncture, just a little cute and a little weird.

Mind Games

2012-02-15T19:04:00.000-08:00

Driving home tonight, I saw a car with the license plate:

BCHBBY

I took a dinner table poll:

"Beach Baby"
"Bitch Baby"
"Be Chubby"

Given our locale, I know which one it is. But I also know the other two made me laugh.

That's Not a Llama

2012-02-13T16:43:00.000-08:00

Tall kid patting small kid repeatedly while small kid tries to get stuff out of locker. Small kid mutters, "Stop it."

Me: Excuse me, is this a petting zoo?
TK: Um, no.
Me: Then what's with the head-patting?
TK: He's cute?
Me: You're cute, too. Should I come over and pat you on the head?
TK: Um, no.
Me: Then move along.

The fascination that teenage boys have with touching each other as much and as often as possible beggars description. Especially when so many of them are concerned with perceptions of having a same-sex affinity.

I Was Told There Would Be No Math (Revisited)

2012-02-05T16:02:00.000-08:00

Now I'm reading Hamlet essays. I have 20 or so left.

This was the only item written on a snowflake's essay prompt:

Literature = question - answer
Literature = question - 42
Literature = (to be or not to be) - 42
To be or not to be = 100% = 1
Literature = 1 - 41
Literature = -41

Dammit, I wish the essay were as good as this. This is hilarious.

How They Sparkle

2012-02-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

In keeping with a previous post, I keep unearthing these as I read.

"In Act I, the witches fiddle with Macbeth..."

The competing scenarios in my head run from the musical to the obscene.

"Guilt, a terrible thing to live with, can harm one's lifestyle."

Funny, on TV it looks as though the better the lifestyle, the less guilt people have...

"Lady Macbeth and Macbeth commit horrible crimes in order to get the throne that eventually causes their demise."

Does it fall on them? Attack them? Does this throne know jujitsu? Impressive.

_____

I finally finished! Two Fs, four in the Ds, 23 in the A to A- range, and a healthy collection of Bs and Cs. Not bad.

Who's Not Into Murder?

2012-02-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

During finals, I handed a book to a student who was finished with his test and staring off into space. He didn't look interested, so I picked out two others...I am the Messenger (which we know has gone over well before) and In Cold Blood. In his return Post-it note, he voted to keep the Zusak, saying, "Thank you but not into murder."

I'm now imagining all the victims of my many forensic shows and mystery novels just opting out. It's a pretty funny movie in my head.

More Essay Gems

2012-02-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

"...once ambition takes over somebody's life there is no room for murals."

Kid, you have awful handwriting, much to my sometimes amusement.

"Macbeth's need for power complicates everything in Act IV."

Actually, Act 4 is pretty clear.

[The play] "takes place in mid-evil times"

As opposed to the Late-evil era, and the rise of Cyberdyne Systems.

"Oh, The..."

2012-02-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

Must Be Icky

2012-01-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

So, I'm reading Macbeth half-essays (intro and one body paragraph -- it's finals week and I don't have the time to read whole papers. What? Get off my back!), and I've discovered Macbeth's downfall might have been not his ambition, but his...ooziness.

Yes. Macbeth, according to many of my sophomores, is a "viscous" tyrant. Ew.

Back to work!

New Memery

2012-01-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

I was telling my friends C. and L. about trying to get home in time for an appointment the other day. I ended up behind a school bus that I thought was leaving campus. Instead of using the bus turnaround, this one decided to stop in the middle of the street in the middle of after school traffic in order to drop off students closer to the athletic field.

Having 10 minutes left to get home, and having already spent 15 minutes trying to get out of the stupid parking lot, this further obstacle opened up all my swear dams. I started yelling exasperatedly to myself, and before I peeled out into the opposite lane of traffic like a badass, I screeched "Fucketty Fuck Bus!"

Over lunch, it became clear to me that this will be an ongoing and versatile expostulation. Feel free to use it as you wish, whether there are buses in your situation or not.

Plans for June

2012-01-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

Booked some airline tickets. Finally get to be an AP reader this year! Yay!

I hope I can say the same after I've done it.

Someone Got the Message

2012-01-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

First there was this conversation:

"Ms. OKP, what should I read?" Wanders over to shelves.

"Well, what do you like?"

"I dunno." Expectant look.

"Well, do any of these look interesting?"

"How would I know?"

"You pick up the books and read the descriptions on the back."

"..."

"Then you decide which one you want to read." Slightly exasperated.

"You won't pick for me?"

"No." Glare.

Sighs. "OK...maybe...this one. Whatever."

The following morning, this happened:

Ms. OKP! Ms. OKP! I read that whole book! I stayed up until, like, three, and oh my gosh it was so good! I wasgettingsotiredbutIhadtokeepgoingitwassogoodwhydoesn'teverybodyreadthisbookIcan'twaittotalkaboutit!

I love you, Marcus Zusak. Thanks.

And Who Does That Make You?

2012-01-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

I think I may be missing something here:

"All right, get ready to move to your new seats."

"Aw, no! Please? No! I won't be by Bob anymore!"

"We're moving seats."

"But he's my little Taiwanese farmer!"

In Your Own Words

2012-01-12T17:01:00.000-08:00

So that resolution to blog more? Yeah. Sigh.

But if you are looking for a different into for poetry, you might try this:

Poetry in Your Own Words

Answer each of these questions thoroughly, specifically, and with as much detail as you possibly can. In this case, more is better. Be honest, and above all, be you. I want to hear your voice.

1) What comes to mind when I ask you to ponder poetry?
2) What is poetry?
3) What is the purpose, or job, of poetry?
4) What does a poem need in order to do its job correctly?
5) What is the poet’s job?
6) What is the poetry reader’s job?
7) Why should we read and write poetry, or why shouldn't we?

Seriously, in this case more is more for phase two. I have them start in class and take it home.

Day Two:

Photocopy some poems from this link. Be aware that some of them have typos. Some of them don't really fit the questions above, or are too challenging, or whatever. Select enough so that you have 2-3 copies of each poem you want to use.

Hand out the poems. Ask students to read them silently and mark them up for any reason. Then have them find their poem match (one or two other people). With their partner or small group, figure out what the poem is saying, and which of the seven questions it may be addressing (have the questions on the board or the screen). Give them as much or as little time as you want.

When we meet back as a class, they share out by reading their poem (I put it up on the overhead so people can see), and discussing its relation to the questions. It's clear that poets think about their craft, though they think differently.

Day 3:

You can introduce this on day two if you like; it really depends on how your discussion goes. I ask them to take out their answers and use that text to create a found poem that addresses one of the seven questions, with the following parameters:

• Select one of the questions to answer and create a found poem (from any or all of your responses) that answers it.
• Minimum 10 lines; no maximum
• Free verse or rhyming
• No more than three words absent from Phase One answers. Words from Phase One should remain unaltered if possible.
• Title required
• Final drafts, with Phase 1 attached to the bottom, due:
• Yes, these poems will be shared.

Collect and post/share. It seems to connect them to poetry or reconnect them if they've drifted from it. They already have the words; they just need to arrange them. For the ones who dislike poetry, the task has a structure that makes sense to them. For those who like poetry, the project lets them create their own answer in a form they understand. I've had good results. If you try it or tweak it, please let me know how it went!

The Illusionist

2012-01-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

What you see: sophomores looking up and defining twenty vocabulary words and discussing said words with the entire class.

How it happened: I read all of Macbeth, picked out about thirty words, vetted them against the other novels for this year (first and second semester), excluded the ones from the freshman vocabulary I could remember, wrote the list, and formatted it for the screen.

What you see: seniors practicing their Hamlet presentations and studying for their Renaissance unit test.

How it happened: I reviewed, tweaked, printed, copied, and cut the peer review sheets and the evaluations. I divvied the number of presenters so that the soliloquies even, listed them in alphabetical order and put that info on the web. I rewrote the entire unit test to ex- and include all the necessary materials so I could write the "study information" on the board.

I'm quite the illusionist these days. Five solid hours of work for what looks like a breezy 57 minutes of light seat work.

Happy New Year!

For Christmas...

2011-12-27T14:39:00.000-08:00

...I received, among other (far more lovely) things, a sinus infection. It's cut into my 'Do Fun Things' over break plans, but I have a couple of books to read and thank you notes to write, so I will still be productive.

But in front of the TV and on drugs.

More posts after the New Year!

A Loss For Words

2011-12-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

Speed, 1994.

Dennis Hopper: All right, pop quiz. Airport, gunman with one hostage. He's using her for cover; he's almost to a plane. You're a hundred feet away... Jack? What do you do? What do you do?

Keanu Reeves: Shoot the hostage.

Classroom, in-class essay. So you only bring one pen; it runs out halfway through the hour. You're not finished...Snowflake? What do you do? What do you do?

A) Raise your hand, alert the teacher.
B) Ask a neighbor.
C) Go to the back of the room where the extra pens are, and get one.
D) Use a pencil.
E) Stop completely, sit for a half and hour; tell the teacher at the end of class.

...

"Hey. I'm feeling pretty ironic."

"Why?"

"You know how you told us how we should have two pens and stuff?"
"Yes..."

"Well, mine ran out halfway through the essay...do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Did you [options A-D]?"

"No."

"You need to leave now before I lose my temper."

I wish sometimes that I could shoot the hostage.

Wait. I think I am the hostage.

Yeah. I am.

And I still want to shoot the hostage.

I Was Told There Would Be No Math

2011-12-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

A passing moment in our final Hamlet Socratic Seminar today: "...so, after that death -- I don't know how many that is, since I stopped counting after five."

Word Problems

2011-12-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

Math time! Read this message, and then answer this: How many people should have shown up for this morning's conversation?

Hello Mrs. Helo,

Thank you for your email. Below is the email exchange between Silent Snowflake and I on Friday. If there is an error in the grade, I can correct it when Snowflake comes to see me.

I spent class time in November going over expectations for Socratic Seminar, and have coached as we moved along. Snowflake has the handouts, and was present for the PowerPoint presentation delineating the expectations. The rest are also listed in the assignment details on SchoolLoop, and I included them in my reply to Snowflake on Friday. You can see them below.

I can see from my records that she was absent at least once, and I don't have her make-up Socratic Seminar work for that.

If you would still like to talk after you and Snowflake have gone over the information below, and after she has spoken to me, I can call you with a follow up.

Sincerely,
OKP

If you guessed one, you're correct.

If you know how things really work, though, you'd have known that despite my request for a private meeting, and despite her daughter's request for the same, Mama Helo showed up today anyway. I was furious, but held the meeting. I tried to speak to Silent Snowflake more than Mama Helo. I didn't chide her in front of her child. Should I have said something to her privately? Should I email her? Should I let this go and be more specific the next time I need to conference with this particular student?

Why Does The Buck Stop Here?

2011-12-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

Two recent emails, one parent and one student, have highlighted for me one of the most challenging aspects of my job. The first reads thusly:

Hello Teachers-

You are receiving this email because you are one of my child's teachers.
Per the 1st Quarter report card from Sunny High we received, our child has earned a B in your class.
Our child has A’s in the other 4 classes.
It is very important that our child earn as many A’s as possible.

If there is anything that our child can do to improve the grade that our child isn’t doing in class, any extra credit, any make-up exams or anything else, please let us know. Our child will have time during winter break to work on grades.
I understand that Honors and AP classes bump grades up a few points at the end of the semester, however, I don’t want to rely on that.

If you feel that a phone call is in order, please do not hesitate to call me at *number*.

Thank you for your concern and cooperation in advance.

I have not felt compelled to respond to this email. As one of the other addressees said to me, "Since the parent and the student are aware that the student needs A's then I guess the important parties have been informed." Agreed. The tone and the phrasing, though, was clear to me. Despite volunteering the student for extra work over break, this is a problem. And by "this" I mean "this B". This grade that means good work. In an honors course.

Why is it important that this student earn as many A's as possible? Is someone being held hostage? Or is it just the prize that is college that's on the line here? I think I just answered my own question. Ah, the college prize.

The other one came today, five minutes after an assignment grade was posted, and class was released:

I would like to discuss my grade on the outer circle notes. I'm trying to get my grades up and you gave me a 50%on something I spent time on. When is a good time to come .n [sic]

Yes, as it is, with no greeting or signature. That I can get over -- teenagers, right?

But seriously? I'm sorry that I'm cramping your style, sweetie, but it's not my fault your notes were incomplete. If I'm missing something, then come in and show me. But don't take that tone with me, and don't for a minute think that your failure to complete your work equates to me holding you back.

I have a job to do, and I do it. I am here to facilitate the learning process and offer feedback. That's what grades are. They are not a means to and end, though they are often used that way. And they are not gifts for me to give or withhold. They are yours, and they belong to you.

Own it, parents. Own it, students. I sometimes hate owning mine, but I have to.

Pity 'Tis, 'Tis True

2011-12-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Wonderful Student: I like you a lot. You are a pleasure to have in class. But please stop volunteering for parts, especially Hamlet.

Please.

Stop.

It hurts.

Letting Go

2011-12-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

So I'm a control freak. Show me a teacher who isn't.

I just collected a bunch of detailed Socratic Seminar outer circle notes. They cover five sessions (not including the optional practice session). Each session has a column for notes and a column for reflection. I must now assess 102 of these.

BUT.

The dread isn't there. Partly because I'm deluded (since it's not happening to me right now, I'm not that worried about it). Still, after I grade these, I won't have to grade this kind of highly detailed, painstakingly formatted ridiculousness. I've decided to change the approach for the second half of the novel.

That's what I'm proud of myself for today. I let go.

While my seniors wrote for twenty minutes this morning, I came up with a 1/3 sheet of paper that I called "Phase 2". I explained that now that they've gotten used to writing down and thinking about everything, it was time to get much more selective in what they took notes for. What a spin doctor!

In the end, I think it will be good for me and for them. They may take fewer notes, but with more purpose (to bring to the next inner circle discussion). And I get to read less of this so as to concentrate on evaluating more important work from them.

I feel lighter. Which is funny, because between the writing my seniors did to day and these other notes, I have about two to three pounds of grading to do!

Pretty Crappie

2011-11-30T14:42:00.000-08:00

Discussing The Picture of Dorian Gray with my sophomores:

Me: "It's different for men and women, isn't it? Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford...they just get craggy, but stay handsome. Society's standard for male beauty is different than for female beauty. That's why so many women get work done."

Student: "Yeah, but they end up looking like stretched out fish."

Best simile of the year so far.

Speak the Speech, I Pray You

2011-11-29T14:17:00.000-08:00

Me: "Volunteering to take a classroom reading role in Hamlet will help you to get more comfortable speaking in front of people, and will prepare you do perform a soliloquy in front of the class."

Student: "Soliloquy? Cool! Can I do the 'Is this a dagger' speech?"

Me: "You totally could...if we were reading Macbeth. Which we aren't."

Student: "This. Is. Awkward."

Yes, I Am

2011-11-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, I am actually quite thankful for a number of things about my job*.

~ For the graduates who come back to visit.
~ For my sophomores trying to start their own meme.
~ For the number of seniors in desks today.
~ The students who listen.
~ The students who talk.
~ The strong readers who volunteer.
~ My colleagues who make me laugh.
~ My colleagues who expect me to listen.
~ My colleagues who make me think.
~ Yes -- the students who do the same.
~ For the foibles of my fellow Sunny High-ers, fodder for this blog.
~ Readers and commenters on this blog.
~ Other bloggers, who remind me I'm not alone.
~ For my own foibles, which remind me that I'm human.
~ For the frustrations of my job, that remind me that I have one.
~ My own room.
~ Fat new dry-erase markers.
~ The David Tennant Hamlet.

I'm super lucky. I might not always feel that way, but I am. It's good to remind me that while its not always sunshine, lollipops, and all the pretty ponies...it's mostly good.

Have a happy Thanksgiving.

*I am thankful for lots of other things that are not school related. People, you know who you are.

You Don't Know How It Feels To Be Me

2011-11-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

With apologies to Tom Petty.

So. WASC. To keep our accreditation we have to a number of tasks. One of them is to survey the parents about what we do here and how well we do it. The survey covers questions such as:

- Are you as a parent happy with our current discipline policy at Sunny High?
- Do you feel that our current course offerings are adequate for your child's academic needs and interests?
- Does your child have at least one adult on campus they feel comfortable to confide in?

The comments section is interesting. And informative.

And demoralizing.

I'm not sure if the parents realize that people are going to see their comments. If they do, then I'm even more bothered. Some of the comments call out teachers by name. Which, if you're being positive and constructive, might be useful, if awkward.

Some are both cruel and incomprehensible at the same time. Neat trick, huh? Here's one:

Unable to take a needed AP class (English) in senior year, due to the unwillingness to withstand cruel, power plays by the only teacher offering the course (year after year).

That's me. With the cruel power plays. I don't know what this means, and not just because of that inappropriate comma.

I think it might refer to the mandatory preview meeting (so they know what's expected of them should they decide to take the class, and whether or not it's going to be a good fit), or the essay writing (to see if are properly placed, and have the potential to grow without being demoralized by poor grades). As to the rest...

I only have room for two sections. At 72-76 total AP students each year, 36-38 per class...well, that's about all I can fit in my room.

We don't offer more than two sections because we can't fill them up. They won't give me three classes of thirty. It can't be done. There's no money to hire additional staff to teach the other students.

If I have that many seniors, I have to have fewer sophomores because of my contract (180 max). Who wants to explain why someone's kid can't be in honors 10th because someone has to be in AP Lit?

But the main reason? I teach this course year after year is because nobody else wants to*. Nobody. Not never.

I know I'm as guilty of pointing the finger at parents sometimes as this parent is point the finger at me. I despair sometimes that the three points of this pyramid -- parents, teachers, administration -- will never understand each other enough.

And I can't even tell you how I dread my parent meeting tomorrow. Today has colored me blue.

The teachers on temporary contracts would do it if it meant they got to keep their jobs. But right now they fill other spots in the curriculum.

Smackdown

2011-11-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

I've been worried about his girl since I saw her first essay. She's new to our school; her grades last year weren't stellar. Yet her mother is convinced that she can succeed. We have a meeting next week, the three of us, because now 2/3 of us aren't so sure.

She missed an outside reading test (they take one electronically in the library), and emailed me about making it up. Here's how this all went down:

Dear OKP,

I was wondering if i could make up the outside reading test score in anyway, because i don't understand it at all and all the times i tried to take a test i never got to the front of the line.

And so:

Snowflake,

I don't know what you mean by "I don't understand it at all." Are you telling me that you didn't know what the outside reading test was? If that's the case, are you also telling me that despite knowing how this could affect your grade, you still didn't ask about it? Not other students, not me, not the library? You had a month to get a book approved, read it, and take the test on it. I recall telling the class not to wait until the last minute to test because a good portion of the school would be trying to do the same.

This is an example of what we talked about in our conference; your effort and habits do not reflect a serious honors student. Your mother and I believe in your capabilities, but we are concerned about your efforts to stay organized and on top of your responsibilities.

Sincerely,
Ms. OKP

I cc'd it to mom. And then, in a reply to both of us from Snowflake's mom:

I agree with Ms OKP 100% and it is not mine nor is it her responsibility to make sure you do what you need to do when you need to do it. I know more that anyone that [sic] you are very capable of passing this class with flying colors but you have to do the work not me. I told you that you could have the conference without me and gave you one month to get it together and this is not showing me that you have it together at all. You know if I have to take time off to have a conference, you will be grounded and lose a lot of privileges. So I suggest that you get it together girl and do the work that we all know that you can do.

Ms. OKP

I would like to that you for holding her responsible for her actions as well as her work effort. I have told her time and time again the if she wants to go to a four year college it all starts her and she needs to get it in gear. Thank you for the information she was trying to sneak it right by me. Thank you

It's good to get backed up.

I hope we can help her turn it around.

It's a Short List

2011-11-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

In a discussion with my aunt about where she and my uncle might live when they get to old for the house they're in:

"There are places on the coast I like. Ones near good hospitals and nice restaurants."

Good thinking!

I know I've been out of touch...and I've sunk NaBloPoMo for this month. There's been a lot going on. I hope to write more soon.

Yeah! Words!

2011-11-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

From one of my sophomores:

I had a few friends over for a birthday party on Saturday and we were watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. When we came to the part where Harry was talking to the ghost of Helena Ravenclaw about where he could find Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem, Harry told her that he wanted to destroy it as Tom Riddle turned it into a horcrux and she responded with, "I know what he did to it! He defiled it!" When we heard her say that we immediately recognized defiled as a vocab word and I thought I would let you know (I thought you would get a kick out of this). Anyways, have a good weekend and see you tomorrow!

Yeah, I did get a kick out of it.

It was better than the kick I got at the inservice this week.

More to follow!

Ack!

2011-11-01T19:37:00.001-07:00

Is it November already? This is a pretty silly post to kick off NaBloPoMo. Oh, well. It's what you get, suckas.

I Only Have Two Hands

2011-10-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Crickets,*

Not to get all Kali, Destroyer of Worlds on you, but you are the administrator in charge of facilities. It is your job to make sure everything is working.

Traveling Tina, our long term substitute, teachers three different preps in five different rooms. I didn't mind doing some legwork at the beginning of the year by helping find rooms in the same building for her -- rather than the three different places on campus you scheduled her for, including the portables at the back end of nowhere.

One of the rooms is small. Now it's too small for the class, and there's no more room for more desks in that room. She came to you, hoping you could help to solve her problem.

Instead, you "made some inquiries" about open rooms. You came up with two possibilities: a good choice, and one in yet another portable (far, far, away) that still doesn't have enough desks.

And then you told her that the department could "talk about it."

WHAT IN SEVEN HELLS IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?!

You're in charge of facilities. You. You need to talk to the teacher with the room, and tell her that the time has come for her to give up her conference period. I can't do it; I'm not her boss. You are. You.

Get it done. And please stop taking up my valuable time -- fielding Traveling Tina's questions, writing emails to you, touch base and follow-up crap.

Please. Please do your job. Don't make me get all Kali up in your face.

Virgin Eyes and Ears

2011-10-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm looking over a student's college essay. After I look at the grammar issue he wants me to, I happen to glance up and see one of my pet peeves just sitting there: "something something I was loosing my identity something."

"Ned," I say. "Ack. You have to fix this losing/loosing issue."

"I do that all the time."

"Ned, I'm going to tell something someone once told me. I hope you don't find it offensive. Here goes: You can only 'lose it' once." Eyebrow waggle. Suggestive smirk.

"Oh. Oh! Oh, yeah! OK. Wow. I don't think I'll spell that wrong now. OK. Yeah, OK."

"OK, then."

I think I've found my way to solve the losing/loosing spelling issue. Fab. The best part was that I didn't hear it from someone else. I made it up on the spot. Not bad, me. Thank you, me. Why didn't you think of this, before? Dunno. Good times.

Burn Baby, Burn

2011-10-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

By show of hands, how many of you have burned a sick day so you could get caught up on grading?

Prepared lessons for four hours so you could be gone for eight?

And still end up somehow at Costco, running errands?

~40 more papers to go.

"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing."*

2011-10-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

Teaching is not an immediate gratification activity, but what it lacks in frequency of accolades it often makes up for in intensity. I received the following email this week. I'll keep this in my 'me file', because I know I'm going to need to get high off this again this year.

Hey Ms. OKP,

I know we've come a long way since freshman year, but I just wanted to thank you for setting me up for success throughout all of my high school years. I may have gotten B's in your class in my first year at Sunny High, but without such rigor, I would have never been able to excel like I have. I have a brother who is now a sophomore, and he did not want to join your class this year in fear that he may get a B as well. I feel bad for him though because he will never acquire the same prep that I did, and he is even doing terrible in AP History right now...of all people my brother, right?

And now all of my high school success comes down to my college applications. I have thought of someone that I personally look up to, someone that embodies a true man, who in this day and age would never stoop down to the status quo to do what is right. From searching and pondering this for months, I finally stumbled upon To Kill a Mockingbird once more. I at once was able to recall the fictional father Atticus Finch, who would stop it at nothing to make sure that his kids grew up the right way, and that when it was time for his kids to look up to him, that Atticus "would look squarely back at them."

I am applying to Awesome University as my #1 choice and as an early decision candidate, and I would personally just like to thank you for all that you've done for me, either indirectly or directly. You helped me find my role model and taught me how to excel in this society of hypocrites and lazy attitudes.

So Thank You,
[name redacted]

It's not even the me part that I like best. Me? Piffle.

It's that his life was changed by a book.

It doesn't get any better than that.

*My favorite quotation from TKAM.

"How nice — to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."

2011-09-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

The title of the post is so serious. The situation is not.

So I've been correcting my seniors. I've told them that of course poetry will make them feel things; it should; that's its job. But when analyzing poetry, our feelings aren't necessarily the most important factor in seeing how the poem works, much like my feeling about an exothermic reaction is less important than my documentation of it in a lab experiment.

I've asked them to stop saying "I feel" and instead say, "I think" or "I believe" or "I see in the text that...".

So yesterday, a girl began talking about a particular image, and this came out: "I feel that -- wait, no, that's not right. I feel nothing."

Hilarious.

(Title apologies to Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse 5.)

Me Time

2011-09-25T17:27:00.001-07:00

When my husband was packing to go out of town this weekend, I told him, "Yeah! 'Me' time! I'm gonna go back to doing what I did when I was single!"

"Which is?" he queried.

"Spend all weekend at work!"

But I didn't. Well, not all weekend. I have indeed missed my co-pilot, who I'll be picking up from the airport in a few hours, but I have to say there is something to having the weekend all to myself that really worked. Not that Mr. OKP is high maintenance, because he isn't. But I haven't had to check in with anyone or tell anyone anything.

I spent yesterday going to the farmer's market, attending a weekly meeting, walking a 5K, buying two books, eating an enormous salad, completing a reconnaissance mission (we're going to get cats soon), reading, and watching television. I took some time to compliment people for no reason. I let people go ahead of me in line because I had nothing but time, and even though I wore my watch, I forgot to check it...a lot.

Today I took myself out to breakfast and brought some school work with me. There was great music playing on the stereo (I thought they were Irish -- they aren't!), and for awhile I was the only one in the place. My server took great care of me, and in a few short minutes of music chitchat we were on a first name basis. The oatmeal with brown sugar and currants and banana was delish. The papers I was grading were slightly less savory, but palatable.

I always try to leave a nice tip when I camp, especially when it's crowded, because an entire other set of people could eat a meal and leave a tip. Today I was still feeling expansive and connected to the world. I left a really nice tip and a note that said, "No change, please." My server came over to say thank you. He'd been a little down, and the note, and the tip, and the friendliness had been really nice for him. He gave me a hug. Twice. I was surprised, but it was sweet.

I have a touch of the Sunday Blues, though. Not because I have to go to work tomorrow -- twenty days in and I'm still liking my job -- but because I know weekends like this are rare indeed. I have to be mindful: my job is not my life; these kinds of days should not be so rare; I need to make myself available for this kind of mellow well-being more often. It feels good, and I can feel that energy going out into the world.

Sorry if this post got too hippy-dippy! I'm sure I'll be taking a dip in the Snark Tank soon enough.

But for now, be well.

When everyone is too busy,  don't expect a more productive society. 
Expect a frantic society. 

~ Jeff Davidson (Breathing Space: Living & Working at a Comfortable Pace in a Sped-Up Society)

Flattery Will Get You

2011-09-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

Happened to spot this on The Facebook:

Amazing Graduate #1
Remembered the difference between connotation and denotation, thanks OKP.

Apparently there's not a lot of close-reading analysis going on in these particular undergraduate courses. These grads are using my catchphrases that essentially mean people are a) putting more into the text than is already there, and b) arguing their points from their feelings, not the text. But I'm so very happy that college is easier for them because I made them work their butts off.

Apparently Only In Grammar and Spelling...But In NO OTHER WAY!

2011-09-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Some merry pranksters in the senior class decided to perform a back to school "Gotcha!"

The sign posted out front facing the faculty parking lot and the street on the first day of school read:

YOU CAN'T
OUT DO
ONE TOO.

Oh, but I think we can. Most of us won't even have to put on our smartypants to do so!

I asked the custodian for the sign and lightly, humorously, lambasted my senior classes. "Seriously, if you're going to try to own the school, make sure you're credible. Unless you want to be the class of Two Thousand and One Also."

There's a Butting Heads Metaphor In There Somewhere

2011-09-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

At our last leadership meeting, the social studies department chair, AKA History Babe, talked about getting the department on the same page for PLCs. She described how the department is working towards aligning curriculum, planning common assessments, and figuring out best practices*. She did say that people seemed to be fine with working together, but something will come along, and then people will bolt from the idea and go back to what they wanted to do anyway.

She called it "The Goat Problem".

I'm keepin' it.

*Three buzzwords in a row! Do I get a prize?**

**Sure! More time in PLCs!

Gotta Love Freshmen

2011-09-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the best gems aren't mine. This sparkling conversation comes from the school across the way via a biology teacher and then my significant other.

BioTeacher: Who are Watson and Crick?

Student: They invented the airplane.

Other student: No, that was Lewis and Clark.

Oy.

I have more to post that's mine, but there's some idiocy in the way (ahem...paper grading).

Mojo Is Go

2011-09-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

Back to School night was this week -- early in the scheme of things, but that's not a problem. Fewer angry parents this early, you know?

I think I've found the mojo I lost last year. Highlights of the evening for me include my announcement about rounding grades: "It won't matter what emails you send, worded 'We would appreciate your consideration' or 'Do you know who I am?', the scores will not be rounded." I actually said that! I'm surprised and proud of myself for pointing out the Always Elephant in the room. We'll see how that plays out come semester.

It was a no-apologies evening. I also explained that I keep a pretty conservative classroom, and that meant that I would be speaking with their daughters on a one-to-one basis about proper attire. I did acknowledge that it tended to be more of a female issue...but I managed to explain that I wanted their daughters to be seen for the beautiful, intelligent women they're becoming, not merely straps and skin and cleavage. I said it.

I did not have a lot of parents come compared to most years. The most populous class period was about 20 strong, about half my class sizes. I have a ton of simultaneous siblings this year, and lots of siblings whose parents know my shtick.

But I felt way better about my shtick this year. I needed to find some of that confidence again, and I did.

Highlights that did not originate from me:

The man who asked me if the subjunctive would still be taught. When I asked him for a clarification, he replied, "You know -- 'If I be' or 'If I were'."
"Of course, sir. 'If I were' is still important."
"Why not 'If I be'?" he asked.
"Well," I said, leveling my gaze at him. "It makes me sound like a pirate."

The woman whose daughter I taught last year, who stopped by my room to gush for three minutes about how I "changed her daughter's life in English we are so grateful I just had to stop in and tell you thank you thank you." I was overwhelmed, and tempted to turn to my last parents of the evening, and just say, "Any questions?" But then they would have asked me questions, so I took a breath and launched into my spiel.

So that's the news for now. it is quite possible that I'm this chipper because I haven't graded anything yet. I'll get back to you.

Don't Even Ask About the Secret Handshake

2011-09-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

My mouth is going to get me in trouble someday. I'm hoping not today.

Four of my seniors were wearing Hawaiian shirts. When I asked about the coordinating outfits, they were pretty coy about it -- though it was clear they were pretty damn pleased with themselves.

One mumbled, "You're not one of us."

I looked around the room and gestured exaggeratedly. "Which part of we isn't 'us'?"

Another stepped in. "You didn't have the secret password."

"Is the secret password...," I replied, drawing out the vowel of 'word', "...douche?"

Cue class busting up.

I quickly jumped back in with, "I'm sure the secret password might have been 'rude', since that's what I just was. Sorry gentlemen. You all look quite dapper today."

And the lesson continued.

I'm crossing my fingers that I didn't overstep. I already feel familiar and funny and comfortable with this group of seniors. It's starting off well...unless I get angry phone calls and emails tonight!

T-Minus 48 Hours

2011-09-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

We finally came back last week for inservices and preparations days. I'd gone quiet because I a) wanted to hang onto as much of the summer as I could, and b) did a huge purge of my room, which took up a lot of mental and physical space.

Yes, I will be going to work this weekend. I was there for three hours yesterday, and planned my first three weeks with sophomores (God willing and the copier keeps working). I have two weeks of seniors planned as well. What I don't have is my boards done and all the purge I couldn't manage to organize in time tamed and in a cupboard someplace.

We did end up hiring, and hiring well, I think. There was some drama with our top choice (who interviewed well, was excited as hell, and turned us and another school in our district down in the eleventh hour), but the new girl (who isn't new to teaching, just to us) should work out just great. Too bad she couldn't come to the first days of faculty meetings, etc.

Or maybe not...Wednesday was all WASC, though our breakout group did get finished early enough to have the second half of the afternoon free for prep. Thursday was a staff meeting that went well over time trying to cram an entire day's worth of workshop from the district into a half an hour, plus address the school climate survey about administration and have some meaningful discourse on that. Maybe it's just me, but I don't often have meaningful conversations that require large markers and giant Post-it notes.

Department meeting of Friday was actually quite good. One of the grade levels worked out a common syllabus (in this case, class policies, not works studied), which inspired another grade level to do the same. The co-chair made quiche, and we also agreed that we needed to spend more time bonding, so that we care more about each other. We are a department, but we're not a super-tight one. We may never be besties (there are a few people whose work we find difficult to respect), but we may just work better together if know more about each other. Go figure, huh?

One of the reasons the meeting went as well as it did, though, is that two people who often make progress challenging weren't there. Good, because we got more stuff done with less resistance and attitude, and bad, because they are the ones who really could have benefited from all of this. Plus they left their colleagues hanging out to dry when it comes to planning, teaching and assessing in the first weeks of school. Meh.

Wow. if this isn't a TL;DR post, I'm not sure what is. But I'm back. And I'm feeling goodish.

Who Hires You?

2011-08-11T17:58:00.001-07:00

So, three people from my dirty dozen applicants had secured jobs already, which was good for them, and great for their respective schools. This left us with nine candidates to ask for interviews.

Except.

Except that when the list went to the district, and came back with three names off of it, it came back with three extra names on it. The district brass are requiring us to interview them.

One is looking for part time, which we aren't offering, so she may refuse the interview. I hope so, because I know her from subbing and from other schools, and she is not a good fit for our campus.
One is fresh out of student teaching. She graduated from Sunny High though, and though I know her, and lingered over her application, I eventually declined to put her on the list because she's so green. She obviously knows someone above my pay grade.
The last is someone who worked at our school before, and was released because of budget constraints. My understanding is she made it difficult for the district when she left. Again, perhaps not the best fit.

I'm sure I'm naive to think that the school site has the best understanding of who will be a good fit for the students, community, and site.

Does this happen to you/at your school?

So You're Starting the Year?

2011-08-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already, it's worth heading over to A Shrewdness of Apes to read Ms. Cornelius's primer for newbies. I read it every year she reposts, and I am definitely, officially, an 'oldbie' at this.

Dear Applicant

2011-08-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

So I was asked to look at some resumes for the open position we have in our department*. Here's some advice I can offer:

Spell correctly. If you want to "persue" a job as an English teacher, this is a mistake you cannot afford to make in your first impression.

Describing your current job duties in a detailed 21-asterisk list doesn't make you look as though you have many responsibilities; it makes you look disorganized, nit-picky, and petty. Teaching is teaching -- a sentence describing the class levels, followed by perhaps two actual bullet points with special or stand-out duties will suffice. You want to get to the interview, not make people dizzy.

"Internet" is not a skill. A list of additional skills often include programs such as "Excel" or "PowerPoint" -- something specific.

Speaking of, does WordPerfect even exist anymore? That was a program I worked with in the early 90's at a secretarial service. I know education moves at a glacial pace, but are people still working with this program? Delete obsolete programs.

Heading your resume with your full name, followed by your degree (Bessie Kirk, M.A.) is more pompous than perhaps you realize. And it's only a Master's. Maybe throw a PhD at us, but not the Master's, as it is quickly becoming just as required as a Bachelor's.**

When filling out applications online, it is tempting to go with all capital letters, BUT IT STILL LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU ARE SHOUTING AT ME THROUGH THE COMPUTER, AND IT'S HARD FOR ME TO READ THROUGH ALL THE SHOUTING.

Watch your computer's autofill function. Once you type in your name, sometimes your computer wants to do the rest and make it easier on you. But if you don't check the entire form, Bill Jarvis, it means that people not only see that you are Bill Jarvis, but that you received your Bachelor's and Master's from Bill Jarvis, and you have worked at three different schools, all named after you, Bill Jarvis.

(All names have been changed.)

I picked a 'dirty dozen' to send to the district (they like long lists of candidates), and interviews will start soon. We'll see. This activity has put me into the school mind, and I had better get my wheels turning and my engine revving!

---------------

*My former-principal relatives were fairly astonished that I was offered access to this confidential information, as it's supposed to be for the administration's eyes only. Well, my principal was the one who asked me to do it, and Dr. D logged me in as himself. Instead of skimming SSNs from transcripts, I only looked at resumes, cover letters, and sometimes letters of rec.

**And maybe as meaningless. But don't get me started on higher education right now.

So Far...

2011-07-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

...the Fortress of Summer seems to be intact. After some minor skirmishes outside the walls ("As you can see, counting that homework didn't actually raise his grade," and "I've discussed the grade with your child. The grade is what it is"), the barbarians have decamped for month. I anticipate...well, not much for now.

I still have to wait until after yearbook camp to see if the English Angel is coming back to co-chair with me. It really depends on her staff.
I need to revamp my materials and timelines. I tried working by genre, and it didn't go as well as I'd like. The two-year trial run is over, and I'm going back to basically chronological order. I still will do parallel teaching (the chronological unit alongside a section of the poetry book), though. I don't want to have to redo all of those tests again; I just want to tweak them a bit.
And the English Angel has promised to help revise some of our department goals and PLC paperwork over the summer. We should get on that before it's panic time.

Still...it's summer. It's been so nice to read what I want, when I want. To complete crossword puzzles. To experiment with new recipes. To bike with my husband, and to have Margarita Monday with my friends. The last two weeks of July include a cavalcade of activities: fair, concert, outdoor picnic and show, mini-travel, family and more family.

I'm going to enjoy this break, because it's full steam ahead in August (even though we won't start until after Labor Day. Blargh)!

I'll be back later. Keep me in your bookmarks, though!

Stones and Mortar

2011-06-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

My last class is taking their final as I type. All grades in except for that. Almost entire checkout sheet signed out! Last-minute senior drama quashed. Plans for a late lunch or early supper with a colleague or two, then graduation, then fire up the confetti canon and call it a year! Finally.

I've gotten out the stones and mortar to start building my favorite edifice: The Fortress of Summer!

(Cow optional.)

Exhibit A, Your Honor

2011-06-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

"One thing that I closely relate to the conch in our lives would be a gravel in a courtroom, if the judge bangs the gravel, everyone stops and listens, much like they do in the novel when a boy is holding the conch."

Objection! Wrong term.

Sustained.

Ow Quit It

2011-06-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

Now play nice. Because as you can read in Lord of the Flies, "neither the fire or the boys are getting along."

I Have a Two-thirty With What?

2011-06-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Student,

Because you write sentences such as this one: "The conch has the ability to call meetings and give a boy the power to speak," I picture:

LinkedIn Updates: The Conch is now connected to Ralph, Simon, Jack, Piggy, SamnEric, and >20 other people.

Back to the grindstone.

Sucks to Your Informal Writing Style

2011-06-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Wise Sophomore, for your insightful take on the leadership skills of the three boys in Lord of the Flies:

"But the sad truth is that both Ralph and Piggy, if Piggy grew a pair, are far better leaders than Jack."

Do I take myself or my job too seriously that this bothers me more than amuses me?

Le sigh. Back to reading.

Back to Sweet

2011-06-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. Despite having mountains of dishes to help with and papers to grade, today was good. I am encouraged.

Stunning...

2011-06-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

How fast a day can go from sugar to shit.

Tick-Tock, Still on the Clock

2011-06-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

I've been quiet for so long because the year has shifted into this-will-never-be-over-despite-how-fast-every-day-is-sprinting-by mode. Since I last blogged:

Senior projects have come and gone;

I had one fruitful parent meeting;

I selected way too many kids into AP Lit for next year;

I've been to two staff parties (one mine, one his);

I've graded approximately 292 short poems (Hail Mary points for my seniors);

I took a 24-hour turnaround trip for a milestone family birthday;

I managed to avoid having to evaluate graduation speech auditions;

I fashioned a home-made yearbook, and

I avoided a drenching from the water (and vinegar) balloon assault in the main quad.

There is still plenty to do, and plenty that is stressing me out. My co-department chair, the English Angel, is stepping down, and I found out when I was copied on the email she sent to admin. It's OK now. We worked it out in person, and I know why she's doing what she's doing. I just don't know how I'll do it without her help. At least she's staying through the summer time; she's the Scheduling Queen, and we're going to need some wise rule.

Can you believe that finals are next week, and right now my sophomores are completing an on-demand writing assignment that I have to grade before Tuesday? Am I on crack, or what? At least I don't have to comment on it, and I may not even give it back. My seniors are taking their final over two days, and it's as low key as it gets.

Anyway, as they say, no rest for the wickedly gorgeous and smart.

Well, that's how they should say it. I'll catch up to you in a bit!

An Unexpected Surprise doink doink

2011-05-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

My Partner for Life, my own Elliot Stabler, knows how much I enjoy the Law and Order franchise. I started with Original Recipe L&O, launched into Special Victims, and segued into Criminal Intent (which we call "Ninety Degrees", because at some point, Vincent D'Onofrio is going to get angular on a suspect).

I am also a fan of humor. One of my more recent discoveries and super faves is the intelligent, occasionally crude, often cute, and hilariously historical Kate Beaton. She is the business.

Imagine my surprise, then, when out of nowhere and for no reason, I received a signed print of the two worlds colliding.

Sigh. Love.

Disconnect

2011-05-23T14:39:00.001-07:00

It's class.
It's a quiz.

I don't care who you are talking to or what you are texting: your phone should not be ON, OUT, or IN USE. Pick your preposition; the answer is NO.

Get a clue. Or some self-control. Or both.

One-Liners

2011-05-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I'm still autopsying some of my students' A Separate Peace papers. They were submitted the first week of April. I didn't grade over spring break, I graded senior papers before these...suffice to say that this is no longer really timely feedback. Hence, the autopsy.

Anyhow, here some choice tidbits.

From a metacognition about the paper: "I could have worked harder and really made sure that there weren't any errors in my reasoning, but I feel good about the essay as a hole."

Trying to describe the power Gene wants to have over Finny: "Gene tries hard to up one Finny."

Something that I talked about repeatedly while we read this novel and through the veteran project they worked was about enlisting. They couldn't seem to grasp the fact that people enlist in the service (general), or the Marines (specific). It really peeved me when they said "enlist in the war", as if there were some sort of carnival with booths which young men and women went up to and signed up for. "I want Korea!" "No, that's too far. Let's see what the World War II booth is offering." "Dibs on Vietnam!" I'm seeing that in lots of the papers, and it needles me no end.

Back to the table. Scalpel and forceps, please.

The Wayback Machine*

2011-05-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Cleaning out some seriously old boxes, my high school BFF found a note I had written to her senior year. That was a year of record layoffs in my high school district, and lots of teachers did double duty. An English teacher cross-taught P.E., and my government/economic teacher was the home economics teacher.

I hated that class. I was in it with a bunch of people I hadn't seen since freshman year, who made pot jokes and tried to cheat off me all the time. I had very little respect for my teacher, who, bless her, was probably just doing the best she could in a bad situation with a room full of snotty kids. That didn't stop the room from reeking of litterbox, though. Yeck. I did as little work as possible and complained about it as loudly as possible. I was a nerd incensed about the quality of my education; I went with a good friend of mine to complain to the principal after a GDP lesson that involved coloring. Coloring. Needless to say, the principal was kind enough to listen...but nothing happened.

I hadn't polished my light verse skills at that age. This note shows me for what I was at that time: exactly the kind of student I snark at here.

A Teeny Note

Let's talk about probable cause--
And find out if there are some laws--
Regarding the bodily harm of a faculty member.

Let's look into cyanide--
Or maybe a midnight ride--
And find a ridiculous teacher for which to dismember.

The morbid trip is over--
For murder just won't pay--
For if I killed the Government teacher,
Who would give me my A?

In today's climate, I'd probably find myself in the principal's office or talking to the cops for making threats. I think my most heinous crime is that second stanza grammar error --cringeworthy, don't you think? Anyway, there it is. A slice o'me at 17.

*With my apologies to Sherman and Mr. Peabody.

Thieves

2011-05-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

The two extra Lord of the Flies books I had on hand for forgetful students have been stolen. I don't know when. I'm sure both those kids have their names on them, as if they were theirs. I know I won't get them back. I hadn't labeled them.

This was the really, really, last straw after yesterday's ridiculous leadership meeting (which may get its own post, but only after I take some Dramamine).

Today is a day for seatwork. I don't feel like interacting at all.

Coming Clean

2011-05-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

One of the discussion topics for sophomores today was whether the destruction of life (any life: people, animals, plants) was often done for the benefit of society, or for an individual's comfort/benefit.

Osama bin Laden was the go-to icon for the day, as was Hitler, for the 'benefit to society' side, while plain ol' murderers landed squarely in the camp of 'more benefit to an individual'. Food production discussions centered on cows: one side argued that people kill them to feed other people; the opposite side argued that it benefited individuals (businessmen, corporations) more than society.

And then the issue of...bacteria. Do we kill them more often to benefit society, or to benefit ourselves?

Charming Chuck: "We kill bacteria when we make vaccines. Making vaccines benefits society as a whole."

Winsome Wendy: "Yes, but which do you do more? Create a vaccine or wash your hands?" Slight pause. Then, in a rush, "Please tell me you wash your hands."

Subtext

2011-05-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

"Can I use your microwave to heat up my coffee, for like, three seconds?"

"During class? No. The second the bell rings? Sure."

That is, if you can figure out how to work the microwave, which I doubt, because you couldn't even master an earlier directive to place the coffee in the microwave to keep it warm, and instead plopped it down precariously on the edge of the filing cabinets right next to the appliance. Never mind that I expressly forbid beverages other than water after several coffee, tea, and smoothie incidents that have left the carpet fragrant and sticky until the annual cleaning in August. And let's completely overlook the fact that, with the D you're currently earning, listening to me has not been nor continues to be high on your list of priorities.

When I went to heat up my lunch, the timer had three seconds on it and the clock had been reset to "--:--". So...no hot beverage for that snowflake. Alas.

Now I Ask You...

2011-05-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

...do I look like this man?

The answer is NO.

So why is everything a negotiation these days?

Students: Go away. You all make me tired.

Small World

2011-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

In grading a senior research paper, I came across a citation with a name I recognized.

I checked the source.

We went to middle and high school together.

What are the odds?

Apparently, the link between a high school English teacher and a writer/blogger for a major news organization is a 17 year-old girl writing about the future of waste management.

Weird. Just weird. Too small, perhaps, is this world.

Someone Needs a CT Scan

2011-05-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

From a research paper about children's inability to distinguish advertisements from entertainment:

It "mixes show and advertisement causing a child's brain smudges the two together even more."

Clearly, it's a sentence issue. But I did a double take on "brain smudge." With all the papers I've been grading, I may be suffering from that these days myself!

Timing is Everything

2011-04-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

Juniors are sitting writing samples to try out for AP Literature and Composition. Friday at 3:15 marked the last of five opportunities for this.

At 3:25, Contrite Calista walked in and approached me.

"I'm sorry I was late." Expectant look. Silence. More silence.

"Do you even have an excuse?" I asked.

"I was at home. I gave myself ten minutes, but there was --"

"Wait. You drove here?"

"I have a home period fifth and sixth, so I -- "

"It took you two hours to get here ten minutes late?" I said
incredulously, no longer whispering. "Sit down."

Not a good impression at all. If she gets accepted, I know exactly what I'm in for.

Scene From a Friday

2011-04-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

On the projector: a sentence in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS.

LEAVE THE STAPLER ON THE TABLE. IT WILL JAM IF YOU PICK IT UP TO USE IT.

And so the dark-haired lovely trying out for next year's advanced class:

Looks at the screen.

Reads the words.

Turns to the table.

Picks up the stapler.

Squeezes.

And yes, it does. Much to the amusement of the other hopefuls, and to the dismay of yours truly.

"Seriously?" I asked, fixing the stapler. "Seriously?"

Do You Read Your Own Writing?

2011-04-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

And does it make sense? More gems from the deep, dark, hellish mine of reserach papers:

On a brief history of bathing suits: "One of the earliest recordings of a bathing suit occured in 1797."

I love listening to a nice maillot, but I can't dance to it. Maybe it's better on vinyl.

Had the Talk, Now for the Walk

2011-04-27T16:01:00.001-07:00

I did what I said I would, and it went as well as I could expect. I know it's harsh to say, "Your grades are lower, in some cases, precipitously," and then not have the grades to give them, but I wanted to have the talk sooner rather than later, and papers aren't finished yet.

I sat down in a chair, not at my lectern. I listed the steps I took to ensure a fair scoring of the papers (some of which didn't make it into the last post). When it came time to lay out the grade portion for my morning class of seniors, I could hear the barest whisper of real sadness in my voice. In all my angry complaints and disgusted sighs as I graded, in all the matter-of-factness I try to bring to the classroom, it suddenly really mattered to me. Not that it hasn't before, right? I just felt it more in that moment. I really wanted them to do better, and I can't tell where I messed up and where they didn't try. It's just bad for everyone.

One of my snowflakes of the morning class asked if they were going to be told if they failed. I replied that I would have told students immediately and privately if they had written failing papers. "So, like, F's and D's?" said Fearful Frieda. "A D is a passing paper," I replied. Frieda looked crestfallen. I think she knows where she stands...and she's exactly right.

When the denizens of the afternoon class wandered in from lunch, word was already out. Winsome Wilma announced, "I am afraid of 'The Talk'. People are freaking out about it. One girl said she almost cried." I assured Wilma that the conversation itself wasn't scary at all in delivery, and that if someone was freaking out, it was likely because of how she felt she performed, not because I was breathing fire. "The two most dramatic people in that class were very upset," Wilma acknowledged.

The same whisper-sad tone came through in my afternoon speech, but the atmosphere in the room in the afternoon was more upbeat, somehow. I think I pulled it together and offered perspective.

In the afternoon talk, I stressed that the grades may not even be that bad, just grades they weren't happy with and would want to improve. I remembered to share my D- story with them (the college essay I was generously allowed to rewrite...only to earn a D), and to show them that I not only survived but became successful in my field. I told them I was lucky to teach them every day (and I am), and took another chance to reassure them that I would provide opportunities to get points in all categories -- but that everything counted, and they should treat everything until the end of the year like the most important assignment they would ever have. then I told them that perhaps this talk could help focus them a little more for tomorrow's unit test.

I wish my patter in the morning had been as successful.

Back to grading. I'm sure I'll have more highlights from that in the next couple of days!

Dear Abby,

2011-04-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

I have to give a talk tomorrow. I have to tell my seniors that the progress reports do not include the grades for their research papers. I have to tell them it's because I haven't finished reading them. I've had them since mid-March. Each one takes about a half hour to read and comment on.

Then I have to tell them that the class average for the papers is around 79%. The average. It's one of the lowest averages I've had in the last five years. With 25 papers left to go, there are four that earned D/D+ grades. In my advanced class.

Because this is worth the most points of any assignment this semester (we've been working on it incrementally since December), those scores have made most grades drop -- precipitously.

How should I tell them? Like this?

Here are your papers. I spent a great deal of time on them, and wrestled with every mark and decision. I used the rubric and my best judgement. Please read the comments and write your own responses in the margin or on the rubric before you make an appointment to talk with me.

There will be more opportunities to improve your grades if you are interested. I cannot stress enough, that no matter how small the assignment, everything counts.

What advice can you offer? I am dreading this.

Lottery Money

2011-04-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

If your school raised $500,000 dollars, and you were allowed to decide how it was spent, what how would you spend it?

We are fortunate here at SHS: We have technology (though we could update and streamline). I think I might try to hire a couple more teachers in the most impacted subjects to try to get class sizes down. Or maybe I'd try to put together a comprehensive, healthier-choice, cafeteria program for teachers and students. Or maybe pay teachers for time over the summer to really coordinate curricula and testing in true professional learning community style.

I'm not sure I'd refurbish the gym. Or if I did, I think I'd pass on the couple of monumental media screens; the new scoreboard would be enough.

Windmill Or No...

2011-04-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

The grading hell continues:

Dear Student,

If you and I are going to have a strong "relatioship," you are going to have to learn how to spell words correctly, or proofread, or simply spell check. I am going to have to "dicorve" you if you don't. Trust me. Writing like you do undermines your "credability."

To top it off, the logic of your argument (if I could call it that) is so faulty I'm going to rename it San Andreas logic.

Sincerely,
Ms. OKP

All words in quotations taken directly from this particular snowflake's paper.

Typo-rama

2011-04-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

From a research paper:

"What are the chances that, in this day and age, one can go a single day without seeing some sort of advertisement for products they may or may not even need? The answer to that question: slime to none."

Indeed.

A senior research paper.

2011-04-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

We had to memorize a poem in third grade. I'll share with you the version I still remember from then:

Ladies and Jellyspoons

I come before you to stand behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, the day after Friday,
there will be a ladies meeting for men only.

Wear your best clothes if you haven't any,
and if you can come, please stay home.
Admission is free, you can pay at the door;
we'll give you a seat so you can sit on the floor.

I have a lady in my department who is a jellyspoon. Enceinte with another child, she claims that she really wants to come back to work. "Of course she wants to come back to work," says a colleague of mine. "She doesn't actually do work. Who wouldn't want to come back and get paid for that?"

I have to agree to some extent. Her permissiveness and the lack of rigor in her class make the rest of us look like ogres.

So please, Jellyspoon...if you can come, please stay home.

Open House

2011-04-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

A brief roundup*:

All department teachers in library for the show? Not really. Did most of them stop by? Yes. But they weren't there the whole time, and parents looking for them might have gotten frustrated. On the other hand, it's not as if this isn't a family-friendly school. If parents want to have a conference about their children, they can -- it doesn't have to happen in a two-hour evening window. If we're going to change the culture of Open House, then teachers need to be engaged in activities with parents or students, not just standing around talking to them.

Computers? Check. Computers on the saving-energy-district-auto-shutoff? Check. I didn't even get over to that part of the room.

Happy Nice Things Shared? Check. I saw a handful of parents, some with kids in tow, and was able to give some really heartfelt compliments.

Sitcom moment? Check. One mother asked boldly, "How can she get an A in your class?" When I said that we should probably have a private conference for that, she agreed, adding, "I will tell you when I am coming to see her other teachers." The girl looks at me and deadpans, "All my other teachers. All of them." I spent the rest of that short time focusing my energies on convincing the father that the girl is progressing at a fine pace.

Awkwardness? Check. In a previous litany, I briefly mentioned a father who is appealing the .4% his child didn't earn. I haven't blogged more about it, but Dr. D thinks it might go up the chain to one of the Supers. On Open House I met said child's mother. I said nice things about her child, and refused to look behind me, though in my peripheral vision I could swear I saw .4% of an elephant in the room.

More awkwardness? Check plus. Going back to my room with a heavy crate full of work, one of my friends chided me, calling down the hall for me to use a cart, or borrow his rolling chair. I assured him that I was fine for the quick trip to my room. Standing next to me? Dr. D. Could he have offered to help? Yes. Was that what my friend was trying to get him to do? I think so. Did I lug that heavy crate with Dr. D. at my side half the time? Yes.

All in all, it was OK. The best part was having a nice dinner with two of my favorite teacher friends before the madness started. I recommend beginning all school events with a glass of Pinot Grigio and a warm beet salad. Delish.

I am still collecting work to grade as if I were a Time Lord or triplets. But I hope to blog more when we finally get our spring break week after this one.

*Ha ha. Snicker. The biggest issue this year has been that I don't round up. Ha ha! Ha? Get it?

Tell Me Why...

2011-03-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

...we have Open House at the high school level?

Nowhere Fast

2011-03-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

In Socratic Seminar today, one of my girls attempted to participate in the discussion. She began a rambling, stream-of-consciousness response to a question, and mid-sentence asked in all seriousness, "Does anybody know where I'm going with this?"

Teenagers really are ridiculous.

The Oracle Is: OUT

2011-03-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really struggle working at a high-performing school. I know it could be worse, and that in many ways I am lucky to be where I am (heck, to have a job).

The competition here at Sunny High is fierce, socially and academically. Especially academically. But what can they do? The colleges give mixed messages: "Be yourself" but "be well-rounded"; "focus on your skills and talents" but "take the most rigorous course selections offered".

I've been fielding lots of questions from my sophomore parents this year: should my child take AP Language or Honors junior English or regular? More and more I find that my opinion about high school and college differs from the generally accepted views of this community -- even of my school specifically. This is what I told a parent a few days ago:

I talk a little bit just this on the Class FAQ on my main page website (look towards the bottom of the FAQ page). Thinking of Diligent Dolly specifically, I can say that it's clear how much she values her ability to stay organized and succeed. She will be a capable student regardless of what she takes, and she should probably continue to take honors or AP classes because she is already a strong critical thinker; she seems to enjoy challenging herself.

I'm speaking for myself here. Junior and senior year are the years that students should be able to play to their strengths while keeping their other skill levels up. If she loves math and science, then concentrate on that. Take honors English or regular English and commit to keeping those grades high as well. Colleges care about a rigorous course load, but I can't imagine wanting to go to a college that requires a teenager to sacrifice her sanity and well-being for a GPA over a 4.0. In my opinion, four AP courses, an honors course, a demanding extra-curricular, a school government position, and a sport are too much -- for anyone. She will spend so much time making sure she's completed everything that she won't have time to actually absorb or enjoy anything -- and heaven forbid that she want to date or spend time with her family or develop a new interest or hobby. Look at the time she spends on school now, and add not only more work, but more challenging work (grade levels get harder).

I am sensitive to the issues that parents and kids face, because in the short run, the sprint to get to college is highly competitive (and seemingly all uphill). But you know yourself that getting into college isn't as important as graduating and moving forward. (I'm guessing that you didn't learn to raise a bright, talented, polite, responsible daughter in any college seminar.) She needs to develop the skills and knowledge to navigate life inside and outside of school: work, relationships, family, etc. That can happen anywhere, not just one particular college. And Dolly has the means and motivation to be successful regardless of most circumstances -- but not if she's burnt out.

I'm sorry for the lengthy response. It's a complicated issue that pulls students and parents in opposite directions. I try to remind myself that that there's no right or wrong choice, there's just a choice that's right for me. It keeps me from competing for an imaginary prize. So you and Dolly really need to talk honestly and openly about your expectations of her, her expectations, and how she imagines her next year in school. What does she see when she thinks about it? How is that different or similar to your vision (and all the hope, dreams, and expectations you have of her)?

I know. It's practically War and Peace. But I really do believe it's the important discussion that families are not having right now. It's about eight different discussions: life goals, school goals, hard work, subject choice, helicopter parenting, the impossibility of predicting the future accurately, and the desperate desire to do so. And probably much more.

The answer is: I don't know what you should take. I don't know what will bring you what you want. You want a simple answer for a difficult question. I'm all out of simple answers.

Although funnily enough, I can tell you the names of the students I do not recommend continue with advanced classes. Ironically, that list took me about three minutes.

Young at Heart

2011-03-17T16:48:00.001-07:00

I'm still swamped, but I had to tell you how gratifying it was today to have one of the spouses at the veteran's luncheon we held today say, "I thought you were a student" to me, and mean it.

I guess almost-forty is the new sixteen!

This is most definitely not I. This is from a Google Images search.

Check back Later

2011-03-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

I may not be back for a few days unless something really funny happens.

72 senior exams (and one to hand score for the Scantron-impaired snowflake). Fortunately, I finished the short answer portion over the weekend.
18 report of information papers and ~~twelve~~ six companion videos
82 sophomore single paragraph short-answer quizzes
72 Anglo-Saxon riddles
~~1 vocabulary test to complete and copy for tomorrow~~ 94 vocabulary quizzes to score
1 meeting about a .4% grade challenge
Calendars/planning/lessons for both classes

Just For Fun

2011-03-10T17:08:00.001-08:00

Something about this just makes me laugh!

It Continues

2011-03-08T07:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, "A Softer World". You really do know how my week's going.

Oubliette

2011-03-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

Apologies for not posting with my usual wit and sparkle (or even snark) lately. I'm beat. I wish I could blame it on spring fatigue, but it's not the testing season, antsy teens, or better weather that have gotten me all the way down in this here oubliette.

Watching The Daily Show is a highlight of my DVR-ed existence. I hate watching what's going on in Wisconsin, though, and my blood pressure gets even higher when I hear the opinions of pundits who are gravely misinformed or downright stupid about what it means to be a teacher today, even in an academically strong demographic. Full disclosure: I make a comfortable salary, and I live in a district with demographic advantages. It doesn't mean it's all hearts and flowers and pretty ponies.

This:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Crisis in Dairyland - Message for Teachers

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

And this:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Crisis in Dairyland - For Richer and Poorer

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

...make me want to laugh and cry and punch someone in the face all at once.

I work hard. I often put other people's children first, not me or my family or my entertainment or health. I'm not trying to be the martyr of the week. I just want that fact out there. I work hard, and I am an excellent teacher. I'm not perfect, far from it. But I am good at what I do.

So when I have a horrible encounter with a student (raised voice, personal attacks) over a grade that snowflake earned, but I pick my battles and try to do what's best for all concerned, and agree to a grade change because there is some funny stuff going on with the grade program that might make a tenth of a percent an issue, and the snowflake's parent waits at the edge of campus to bully me some more (unaware of my already made decision), I get demoralized.

And a month into the semester, I now have a new first semester grade challenge. An 89.6 is a B+. It's a good B+. District policy says that an A is a 90%. There was no math error. If other teachers are rounding then they are the ones out of compliance with policy, and should be corrected. This parent thinks that .4% will keep his snowflake out of Prestigious College of Choice. I'm going to respectfully disagree.

I resent every second that this bullshit takes time away from planning, teaching, and grading. These Screaming Entitlement Issues must end.

I'm down a hole right now. I don't know if I can get out. I love this work, but right now I hate my job.

I Like Her Style

2011-03-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

Found a new blog I like a lot! Her template is awesome (and the same as mine, natch). She's got panache and style. Go visit Teenagers Are Ridiculous and find out.

Hang In There

2011-02-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

Advice to both of us, from me to you. I'll have more when I pick myself off the floor of last week's break (yay) and the week before's insanity (boo). In the meantime, here is a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head:

To My Honors Students...

2011-02-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

...if you think this is difficult, get a load of life.

To The Students Who Assert My Class Is "Hard"

You say this class is "really hard",
you say it's complicated.
You want full credit for your effort;
and that's why I'm frustrated.

I give you the instructions,
and time to work in class,
but when it comes to doing it,
you sit there on your --

You crave some recognition
for the effort you expend;
but here's the message, lumpkins,
I really need to send.

Achievement, deeds, and triumph
come with hard work, risk, and thought;
Are discipline and will the kinds of skills
that can be taught?

This "effort" that you're making?
This exertion, aim, this work?
You're pulling half capacity,
and you think I'm the jerk.

You only think you're thinking hard;
if it hurts you've had enough.
The answer's best that comes in first,
'Cause pushing's just too rough.

I am your English trainer;
this classroom is your gym;
I'm here to help you get in shape,
but the prospects look quite dim.

The class is hard; so be it.
And you will sink or swim,
depending on true effort
when the tide is coming in.

Head, Meet Wall. Wall, Head.

2011-02-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

I think reflection is important. This blog is a way for me to do that; discussion with colleagues is another. My students spend time reflecting on assignments and projects. Most of the time I am perfectly fine about what they write -- I respond on their papers, but the whole point is for them to dialogue with themselves in order to set goals.

Sometimes, though, I want to laugh and cry all at once. Excerpts from my sophomore semester self-assessments:

"This semester I am hoping for more multiple choice assessments because they are a better way to fluff my grade, [sic] I prefer them over other types of assessments, and they are less tedious than essays or fill-in-the-blank exams."

Ballsy, huh?

I wish I could actually say, "None of these assignments is meant to be your fluffer in any sense of the word. Your preferences? They mean little to me; you are getting what you need, which is to learn how to read and write more critically. If you really want to talk tedium, let's talk about having to read and grade your past assignments."

Then there was this:

"English has never been my strongest point. I am forgetful and lazy...What I disliked was Living Text, and all those arduss [sic], long-ass stories that were hard to read and not all that interesting, like [book] and [other book]. I like reading that's a little challenging, yet also interesting, and those two stories are only challenging & boring."

Perhaps they are challenging and boring to one who is forgetful and lazy (lazy-ass?). It's a pretty arduous task to read your handwriting and decode your spelling, too.

Grump, grump, grump. There are more encouraging reflections in the piles, but these were the ones that spoke to me today. Grump, grump, grump.

Bald-faced Lies

2011-02-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

Looking for some ideas on how to change up my book report format for second semester to include nonfiction, I stumbled across this site. BookwormLab (I refuse to link to it) claims it is an "academic writing assistance agency that is there to help you out with all aspects of your studies. Our services include: model custom essays, research papers, term papers, thesis proposals, capstone projects, speech and presentation assistance, book and movie reviews, article critiques, and academic tutorials; CVs, cover letters, resumes, and other career application assistance; lab reports, scientific studies; virtually any academic writing help."

What an interesting FAQ. How do you suppose it's possible to say this:

Q: Should I inform my school that I am using your service?

This is totally up to you. Since BookwormLab.com does not share your personal information or written works, your piece will not be traceable back to BookwormLab.com.

...and adding this?

Q: Is it cheating?

No.

I call bullshit. Buying papers? CHEATING. Not difficult. But I guess anyone who is already trawling websites to avoid having to do work is going to believe it because the website said so.

I know this is hardly the only website out there; some days the sheer size of the battle I'm fighting overwhelms me.

Wait, It's When?

2011-02-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

How can it be second semester already?*

Fortunately, only two moves: two from afternoon classes going to morning classes. Makes my morning class big at 36 and my afternoon class 24 kids strong, but it's not a disastrous adjustment. Stressy the Snowflake stayed! Yay!

One new senior. Totally new, from another school. The catch-up's gonna be tough.

I really should have spent more time planning over the weekend. Oh well, too late for regrets now!

*And yet I hear many of you saying, "Wait, your school's only just hit second semester?"

The B, or not the B?

2011-02-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

...with apologies to master Shakespeare.

When a parent emails me for a conference, then fails to respond to my request for clarification (hey, I'd like to be prepared for such a meeting), I know something's up.

Sure enough, I find out from the counselor that I have a sophomore snowflake who wants to transfer out of my class at the semester. His mother cites stress* and inability to keep up with the reading (so that his father was reading to him all the time) and general malaise.

I checked the snowflake's other grades. Seems the only thing he was suffering was a mild case of the A-minuses.

Guess whose was the only class he didn't have a straight A in?

Policy is to only transfer students who are earning a D or an F, in the hopes that a new environment might make a difference. Transferring a student from an honors class to a regular class? When he's clearly succeeding?

Of course Dr. D. said we had to. And I didn't want to die in that snowflake's (or his domineering mother's) ditch.

Keep in mind, neither parent nor student had said a single word to me about it.

Stressy the Snowflake apparently came to his counselor last week after riding the 180° bus. Now, he tells her, he's more stressed about dropping the class: what colleges will think, etc. So he thinks he'll stay.

When the counselor related this to me, and said she had urged Stressy to talk to me, I waited for him to say something. He didn't. So I brought it up. "So, Stressy. After the final you won't be with us any longer."

"Um. I think I'll stay." Nothing else.

"OK! Well, that will be great."

I have no idea if he'll be in his seat come next Monday, but it sure will be an interesting experience either way!

By the way, he's currently earning a B+. It must be like death for his mom. I feel so sorry for this kid who will, apparently, never measure up.

*Apparently we can't show Race to Nowhere and then ignore or argue parents' claims of stress. Argh.

I Get It Already

2011-02-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

So, both Encore channels are showing Groundhog Day. Over and over and over and over.

You are so inspired!

We Will Not Survive Another

2011-02-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Integrity Week* dawned fair and clear. The National Honors Society** had announcements, surveys, skits, and motivational posters about what it means to act with academic honesty. And in our department alone:

middle school plagiarism
forged rubrics in journalism
final exam theft and sale

Plus some people with jobs above my pay grade are involved in some litigation and financial shenanigans.

We may not survive another integrity week.

*Of course, a week of lip service gives us exactly what we expected. Integrity life, not week, is what we need.

** Apparently also mockingly called "National Hypocrites Society"

And You Work Here?

2011-02-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

My projector needs cleaning and must be taken down to do so. When Mr. Tech and Captain Custodial came in to see how to dismantle it, they asked when a good time would be to take the unit down. I said Friday, since there would be no kids.

"No kids?" asked the captain.

"Right. It's a non-student day. Teachers get their grading done and plan for the next semester."

"I didn't know that. They didn't tell us that."

Captain, you've been plant manager for over four years. How is it you are unaware of that?

Six Is Too Many

2011-01-21T08:31:00.000-08:00

I have another to add to my necrology. That makes six.

Because I blog here anonymously, and this made the local news, there isn't much I'm willing to say.

She was beautiful.
She was kind.
She was smart.

To an Athlete Dying Young

The time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.

Today, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears.

Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.

So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl’s.

-- A. E. Housman

Trees in the Mighty Storm

2011-01-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

A bunch of trees came down in our neighborhood when the winter rains pushed on for five days straight. Some stayed standing with their branches snapping off with pistol-shot sound, but many just groaned and keeled over, unspooling at the roots, leaving a gaping hole in the ground and a Cthulhu-like tangle at the edge of it.

Shallow root systems, says my husband -- and the newspaper. They trees don't have to work as hard to get water, so the roots grow out, not down. They don't have the strength to stand when tested by the elements.

Over the years I've developed the way I teach the senior project research paper. Some good teaching has evolved; for instance, a timeline of note checks, two-to-three page drafting and peer edit sessions, and sometimes extra incentive to turn it in early.

I've also gathered models and samples over the years. I have papers they can read; those turn out to be useful. But I'm beginning to see a lot of shallow-rooted kids in my classes. I have an MLA format template up on my website: download it and replace my header, title, margins and paragraph format with yours, I tell the kids. And I still get wildly incorrect formatting. Here are the two format options for note-taking; here are the ten kids who thought they'd make up their own bizarre system. Here is a whole lesson (including handouts) on what to do with your evidence so you synthesize information and make your argument, and here are pallid excuses for evidence, and even more pathetic attempts (and to call them attempts insults the word 'attempts') at what seems more like faking an argument.

I don't think I'm doing work for them; I believe I'm showing them good models of how complete the task well and earn a good grade.

So why are all my timbers falling? I'm here in the forest, and I tell you it makes a deafening sound.

You Can't Handle the Swingline!

2011-01-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

The stapler needed a refill; I handed a row of staples to a student.

"It's not working," he cried plaintively. And indeed, when I attempted to push the lever down, it stuck fast.

I had to pry open the stapler with quite more force than I am accustomed to.

To find that my honors student had inserted the staples upside down.

Upside down.

Upsiiiide. Down.

*facepalm* or even *headdesk*

(How did he think the pointy ends were going to stab into the paper if they were facing the wrong way?)

On the other hand, I suppose he'll never end up stabbing or shooting anyone...except himself, accidentally.

Illustration credit: Rob Gill

Setback

2011-01-17T10:27:00.000-08:00

Before the break, my sophomores wrote an in-class essay. Last year, I used the essay as a drafting exercise and then they turned it into a process paper*. This year, there wasn't time if we were to get in Othello before the semester.

I just finished the first set; they're awful. Students have forgotten basics: to put the title and author in, for instance. But it's not just small change; there's some hefty issues. I'm missing a bunch of thesis statements; the textual evidence is poorer than the earlier essays; the analysis is mealy or non-existent.

My mistakes: rushing it, giving prompts that were too difficult, saying that an in-class essay is like "a really good first draft," and using a rubric that's too sophisticated (vague) for the kids to understand what they did wrong. They're not ready for AP-style grading, even if I tone it way down to their level.

Two-thirds of the classes still to grade. I'm switching rubrics (adding them, in the case of the ones that are already graded); their grades will come out the same, but the details of the feedback will make more sense. That means lots of work today. I suppose I'm lucky to have a holiday; I get to try to correct myself.

Back to the grindstone.

*It went something like this: "Well, how did you feel about the in-class essay? Not to great? Just OK? Well, now that you have a whole draft, let's get to work revising!"

Back to the Secretarial Pool

2011-01-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

For most of my high school summers, I worked for a secretarial service. I was suited to it: good phone manner, organized, well-spoken, well-written.

In some aspects, I haven't left that job -- I proofread daily and out of habit (and hours at a time, if I have a stack of essays).

Two days ago, in between ~~a leadership meeting on Tuesday and faculty & department meetings on Thursday~~ a bunch of administrative-level grunt work, this lands in my mailbox from one of our APs:

OKP,

ROP Coordinator, is submitting this article for the School News. Can you proof and make corrections if necessary before I submit? I need to submit by tomorrow. Thanks.

How many things are wrong with this picture? Start with the obvious.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with me.
This has gone through two ostensibly educated people of reasonable intelligence. Has neither of them learned to proofread their own work?*
I am not the assistant principal's secretary. He has a secretary -- who apparently has vastly more important things to do.
Oh, wait. I clearly don't have vastly more important things to do in the classroom (or as a WASC leader or department chair), as this little project is due the following day.

*No, I guess not, if he's going to put a comma after the name of the ROP coordinator.

I was not pleased. It's petty, but I resented the ten minutes out of my day that it took to comply with this request.

The Pinnacle?

2011-01-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

I caved on the day before break, and showed my sophomores the Weeping Angel episode of Doctor Who. My fourth period was particularly vocal and hilarious: frightened jumping, even some screaming. They loved it.

Today, our first day back, one of my boys from that period informed me that over break he watched all five seasons on Netflix.

I think that's it. I have no more to teach. I am grinning like crazy right now.

Break was good. More posting to follow!

Christmas Crackers

2010-12-13T16:49:00.000-08:00

Once again, the title and picture is misleading. Instead of holiday noisemakers, these crackers are students.

When these crackers get pulled, there's not a small popping noise and a paper hat for a prize. These crackers produce tears, and all their troubles come pouring out.

Girl A: Her grandmother tripped and fell, shattering the glass item she was holding. She's banged up and cut up. Apparently, Girl A's aunt swooned while trying to clean up the blood, and may have suffered some sort of psychotic break in the interim. Girl A is trying to keep it together, and hasn't done any of her homework from the weekend. I give her Kleenex and an extension on the assignment.

Boy B: Had a death in the family, but told no one. His work last week suffered, and is only just pulling himself out of the academic hole. I spend break listening to him and I remind him to ask for help.

Girl C: Is earning straight B's right now, and her parents have put her on restriction because she's not earning all A's. She comes to me to say that she just '"can't do it any more" and "is over it." We have a long talk about how to approach talking to her parents about some of her frustrations and stress. I do not get any of my work work planned for after school finished. I take it home.

Four more days until winter break...but who will break before then?