A Tempest of Dispraise*

Some folks at New York Magazine thinks that we praise our children too much, too often -- and for that matter, rather ineptly.

I think they're right.

Po Bronson writes:

For a few decades, it’s been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.

When parents praise their children’s intelligence, they believe they are providing the solution to this problem. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short.

But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.

It goes on to talk about the study, and the series of tests they designed as part of the data-gathering. Tested students praised for effort, rather than natural aptitudes or talents, scored better on subsequent tests, and seemed more willing to tackle challenges. The study's summary stated that "those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts."

This seems particularly apt right now, as a colleague of mine busted a kid for plagiarism, and the mother stormed the school, ambushing him on the field while he coached. She maintained that her son was destined for better things and that she'd be telling this story on a TV interview one day, laughing (did I mention she's not quite as sane as all that?). This woman praises her son extravagantly -- and he clearly has not developed a strategy for failure. If he can't do it, if it's too hard, he overestimates the amount of help he needs from his mother and lets her do it -- or he flat-out cheats on his own.

Years ago, a friend of mine brought me an article about praise. What I remember most vividly was that, in order to be effective, praise had to be specific and sincere. I admit, I had been an Indiscriminate Praiser: "That's wonderful," "You're too smart to be doing this poorly in class," "You are fantastic today," "Great job on your sonnet." It makes me feel better; I felt I was showing my love and affection for my students (or my parents, or my S.O., or anyone I happen to want to show love and affection for) in the best way. I attempted to be more specific when I praised, and I have since seen more positive results of it.

The NY Magazine article validates that practice, but also recommends praising process rather than result. This has been harder for me, as I'm not one of those teachers who believes that effort = an automatic A. Since reading the article I have started to offer praise for process and effort, even if the efforts don't add up to a good score: "I appreciate your patience with me," "It was great to see you jumping into the reading with enthusiasm," "Your effort at writing in all iambic pentameter was obvious." The best part is that I think it may pay dividends in all areas: motivation, effort, result, even self-esteem.

Will you take the challenge with me? Try it out and report back!


*With kind acknowledgement to Paul Lawrence Dunbar (follow the link in the title).